Tuesday, October 8, 2013

PowerBloggin' - INTERMISSION 2 - A Moment For Public Apology

Before news of this game's supposed "end game hunt", my life was going a lot better. However, I was dedicating far too much time to hanging around various forums and spilling beans and placing jewels around.

I was doing this in preparation. For this. I have often been told that I should write a book, that I should make music again, that I should go back to full time creating, and I haven't been able to. I have not been able to fully explain what rolls through me during bouts of inspiration.

Throughout my experience in participating in this hunt as an outsider, I spent far too much time researching this game - the CVG playthroughs, the available pages of the strategy guide, I was a leak-vulture and and I was like this on the vine.

I was already off track, and went further off track in the lead up to the launch of Grand Theft Auto V.

I love getting in on information early because my brain fills up with everything there is without having to read too much later. Better to stay learning in real time, than to have to go back and learn later.

I felt attacked and belittled, I felt mentally abused and I was. I was called crazy and I was called stupid by people who seemingly never actually understood me in the first place. In all facets and all corners of my life, I have lived what you have all witnessed who were my witnesses. You all the gamers of GTA V who have seen me from prior of its release, know all that I am telling you the truth.

But that is NO excuse for wanting to "hurt you back" or "belittle you back" to "show you how it feels" or to call you stupid just because I myself have failed to properly communicate in each instance I have tried to explain myself.

But that is because I am speaking a language that, for now, only a few actually understand. And I have been humbled and appreciate your experience and I am glad it was all on the internet where we can think and must think to even participate. 

Because I love the beautiful gift that is the Internet and it is literally nothing without the human mind that created, populates, and attempts to coexists together within it. And so this means that I love you. All of you. And for ways that perhaps some of you are too scorned by me to forgive at this time.

But I want you all to know, all of the world, and all of the witnesses to the events which led to this, The Unwritten Tract of Epsilonism, being now written, that I felt so very victimized that I went completely  overboard in my assessments of people who in reality I failed to communicate properly with in the face of their doubt.

Such as it was with this game in your eyes, such is the true story of my life. 

And while I know that it is not a justification that my little feelings were hurt, it will at least be remembered as a time where I became hypocrite to my own word and became made of my own example

I am sorry to anyone whose feelings I have hurt. I have become the example of my own writing, so it is manifest. But in my heart I do love you all, of all walks of Life, I love Rockstar, I love All gamers at heart and I do not dislike console gamers or think they are dumb, I merely think that they are misled and I would like to help them to plug an "XBox Deluxe Media Center PC" into their TV, slap in a controller, start generating more money for developers while they spend less of their own money to do so, keep their games throughout hardware changes, and join a freer, more open world, it is in fact supported by the theory of thought manifest throughout the postings of this blog.

So please, even in unrelated places, allow me to stop pointing the finger at you, and use the example of myself set out before you, and be as I know we all should be, as I have told you, and Rockstar has scientifically proven you.

Accept my apology not because I have asked your forgiveness but because I have come to give reward for your suffering 10 fold and 10 fold again. I am no cult leader, I do not want followers. If you read and comprehend the content of this blog I am showing the real ultimate power of love that belongs to us all. 

I have said before and will say again, I am no better than you. And now you all have evidence of this fact through my belligerence and my sorrow and remorse for causing you frustration at such a time that should be beautiful and empowering for you all. 

There is Irony, and there is Karma, and there is Doubt, in myself, and in us all, of ourselves, and through each other, toward ourselves, and in our world just as in our internet and in our games. Break free from the programming. I am not suggesting chaos, I am suggesting intellectual and critical observations that I believe once possessed by you, on the Internet and in the games, will be irrefutable as evidence that the world does need a positive and mind expanding change.

The metaphorical and the philosophical truths that the creators and developers of the GTA series have provided us in its depictions are undeniable once understood - you are supposed to be the leader of your Journey. 

As the game helps me to explain your behaviors while playing it, so shall you see we are much more capable that the software of society wants us to believe.

I love you. I pray to you all, brother-brothers and sister-sisters of my own, and I am yours, in the eyes of Kraff. Whoever Kraff may be to you, so too we are singlings under Kraff's eyes.

Forgive me for being so scary, because no one was ever supposed to be scared of me nor anyone who is of their equal, and I am your equal, and you are my equal, and we are all related, even the red heads. We love when we are connected and then we do not need an internet anymore.

People Doubted Cris and they have Doubted Me.

They have witnessed my Doubt in Myself, and Doubt in their merit as well.

We are equal and must all learn as I must learn that I must love you all if you are ever going to believe me that you are equal to me, and every bit as great as I think I am you are as well.

I am sorry. As Batman was. Or as Doctor Manhattan. I am sorry. As was Spider Man, and even Green Goblin. I am sorry as CJ, who went away and came back too late. And I am sorry as Tommy who became belligerent as is expected of roles played by Ray Liotta. And I am sorry as Claude who did not speak when he should have. 

And those legends of the old world, may they illustrate my sorrow, for I have waited for something to allow me to give you the gift more so than it is even given to me, as it is my curse to see doubt in ourselves, and that is why I have lost my compusure and my very self been a moron. I am then still the best example of my own truth.

This blog started with anger and ego and remorse and self pity and belligerence and disrespect in my heart, blinded by my victimized emotions, in the dark away from my intellectual ones. 

I am sorry for being that way, and the ways before those ways.

This blog is NOT religious and it is NOT a cult. The words that I describe have been twisted so that when I speak it is almost impossible to think otherwise, but I promise, I do NOT seek followers, I do not seek credit, I seek you to credit yourselves, I seek to share my insight on Freedom, Conviction, and Responsibility for our Own Actions, and I seek to wake this world up to love one another again.

We can all be the same people, and the same people can be in power. There is so much more than meets the eye in this world.

I love you.

This blog is the End Game. It has been found, and now we are to be free at last.

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Z viruses

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